Gifts of Gold

Things Earned and Things Received

“Intense love does not measure. It just gives.”

Mother Teresa

During this past celebration of Thanksgiving and in preparation for Christmas, it occurred to me that the American psyche, heavily emphasizing the model of the self-made man, is deeply at odds with itself during this season. Despite giving thanks (often in a generally undefined way, making it merely a façade of pseudo-gratitude), the American mind tends to disdain things received and count them less than things earned. There is an unfortunate inclination in our understanding of value, which leads us to appraise the worth of things, experiences, and privileges based only on the labor spent in procuring them (which inclination is primarily a result of our Lockean influence). We value things in monetary numeric terms, but a calculation of the corresponding hours worked often accompanies this appraisal. We look down on those with privileges inherited rather than earned. We even tend to undervalue experiences, such as a mountain view, if there was not a considerable effort spent to realize that experience.

This leads me to the topic of my contemplation this season. Yes, of course, there are virtues practiced in the earning of such things. The cardinal virtues all play an essential role in such earning when pursued properly. But as Christians, we must be wary of the selfishness of an earning-mentality and have our eyes on loftier goals. The virtues practiced and perfected in giving and receiving well those things we would strive to earn, specifically the virtues of humility, generosity, gratitude, and charity, are of greater supernatural value than those virtues which would otherwise be practiced. To understand how one ought to receive gifts and such good things, it is wise to examine the action of giving simultaneously, for it is a single activity understood as two, and the two attain perfection as one. Both the giver and receiver ought to have all of the virtues just listed, since the determination of how best to express gratitude relies on an understanding of the corresponding generosity, and vice versa. We too often focus on perfecting our giving, but this is to no avail when our receiving remains ungrateful, for we cannot know how best to give if we know not how best to receive.

But how best to practice this interaction, especially given our American tendencies previously discussed? At the most basic level, two realizations must be made, internalized, and habituated; first, that all is gift, i.e., given from God; and second, no gift from anyone can ever truly be repaid, only met by gratitude. Few interactions proper to the current season of giving and receiving are so crass as the one in which the receiver (and very often the giver as well) feel the need for reciprocity in kind. However, this sentiment is so tragically engrained in our gift-giving, despite being the height of ingratitude. How often do we think or even express outwardly a dismay resulting from incongruous exchanges of gifts? I believe this arises from our vicious and materialistic tendency to place a monetary value on everything. No two gifts can ever be equal or offset each other, and to think in such a way is to insultingly debase the act of the giver to the level of an injury sustained for the receiver’s sake: an eye for an eye… a bracelet for a watch. To behave this way is not to receive a gift at all, but to exchange blows, equal for equal.

As difficult as it is during this season of mandatory gift giving (another contradiction perpetuated by our modernist materialist “culture”), let us strive to prepare to give and receive well by spending just a few minutes on these three things: 1) meditating on how to express charity, beyond the inadequate way of material gifts, 2) removing from thought the very notion that others will be giving gifts as well, and 3) atoning for previous ingratitude, particularly arising from the prideful and mistaken feeling that reciprocity is necessary, or even possible. I will close with a suggestion for a practicable change: find a way to spread out the giving of gifts over the Christmas season, especially the twelve days to the feast of the Epiphany, so as to allow each gift to be met with the proper gratitude and not be seen as part of a single exchange of reciprocal gifts.